My phone, which had been through an entire battery by lunchtime today, rang again. Eyes rolled skyward, I answered bluntly and found my husband at the other end. Phew - not from work! I was about to drop my guard and enjoy the call when I realized he was calling from the grocery store. *sigh*
"Should I get a lot of hamburger meat? The avocado's not ripe so I need a different dinner."
"I don't think it's a good idea. The freezer's not fixed and I'd hate to have more meat spoil. We'll stock up again after the parts get here." I ignore the part about the avocado, figuring all will become clear eventually. My call-waiting beeps and we hang up.
A bit later the house phone rings, another call from the store. "What kind of wild rice do we get? I thought it comes in a box but all they have here is bags. Long grain?"
"The wild rice comes in a yellow box, the size of box mac & cheese. It's down by party couscous (tricolor - very festive)."
"Oh! Right. Not in foreign foods. With the other rice." I hear cart noises and picture his path from imports to domestic carbs. A beat or three after the cart noises stop, he says, "I don't see it. Long grain & wild?"
"No, just wild. Yellowish box. Either on the very top shelf, or down toward the bottom. Around your knees. The only kind of all-wild rice they have," I offer, "We get it all the time! You must remember the box?"
"Welllllll..." There's a pause, then he begins to ask about salsa (which is right next to domestic rice in that aisle. He sounds much less stressed while talking salsa than he sounded about the rice. I think I should be worried.
"We like the lime & garlic salsa. Did you find the rice?"
"Oh! No. But salsa's right here. Lime & garlic store-brand?"
"That's fine. The rice should be toward the bottom. Do you see the party couscous?"
"HERE it is. On the bottom, near my ankles. How will anyone know to buy it if it's down there?"
More phone-support follows, on topics like cereal and baking supplies. I wonder if it wouldn't have been easier to just go myself. I wonder that every single time I don't go on the grocery trip. I wonder if I can use these calls on my resume in case I'm ever out for a telephone tech support position. Anyone who has ever sent her spouse out solo for groceries would probably hire me in an instant.